The Importance of Really Good Biscuits at Sex Parties

I like sex parties, but only if they’re queer and kinky. I’m less fussy about biscuits.

I can’t think of a bad biscuit. Some biscuits are better than others, of course. I enjoy everyday biscuits, your basic garibaldis, custard creams, and bourbons. I won’t even turn my nose up at a digestive on occasion, as long as there’s a nice cup of tea to dunk it in and a good book.

At sex parties it’s different. It’s very important to have really good biscuits, and here’s why.

Photo by Food Photographer | Jennifer Pallian on Unsplash


Sex can be exquisite and opulent. It can be a gooey, delicious melt in the mouth experience. When I see the tea table at a sex party, I want there to be biscuits that make me want them. Biscuits that make me salivate. I want the people eating biscuits to be making sex noises because they’re so good.

Offering someone a dark chocolate and ginger all butter cookie has subtext and complexity. It’s hot. Offering someone a Rich Tea just doesn’t have the same capacity for flirtation. It suggests an interaction that’s adequate but a bit too dry.


I’m not vegan, but I want there to be vegan biscuits on the table, and gluten free ones. Not just one kind, either, but a variety. The only sex parties I’m interested in make no assumptions about a person’s gender, sexuality, body or biscuit preference.

Those whose biscuit preferences or dietary needs put them outside cultural norms are used to such marginalisation. They approach the snack table with caution, maybe with the assumption that there are snacks for everyone else, but not for them.

Finding that someone has thought of this is a surprise and delight. It says you have been considered. You are important. You are welcome.

Photo by Brooke Lark on Unsplash


The best sex parties have a whole area for food, a glorious abundance of deliciousness.

We have a cultural narrative of restriction around sex and food. The best biscuits are ‘naughty’, the best sex is forbidden and taboo.

The snack table is a place to address this narrative in a visceral, visual way. Here are all the best biscuits, and they are plentiful.

There is an abundance of sensual pleasure here. There is enough for everyone to have enough.


Some people delight in the pure physicality of sex without much preamble and that’s a beautiful thing. Many of us bring other needs to sex parties. We arrive as a whole person and bring our stories with us.

We need a space for grounding, a place where we can chat without pressure. The tea table is where this happens. It’s where we meet and connect, where we find comfort.

Having really good biscuits available centres this need. It acknowledges that we’re whole complex people, and that we are worthy of nurture and nourishment.

It gives the message that we matter, we’re cared for and valued. It says that the organisers want our bodies, our pleasure, our needs and desires, to be the priority in this space.

As I write this, in March 2021, things are beginning to open up and it feels like sex parties will one day be possible again. I’m looking forward to that, but please note, organisers, that I will be judging the quality of the party on the basis of the snack table.

Dan Thomas is a queer non binary trans man in the UK. He is a parent, neuroqueer and a writer.

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